Pressure
Strain, tearing
Failed relationships, I fall in love too easily
Why can’t I ever make something work
Why does it seem like the harder you try the less you get
I’m too stubborn to give up, I won’t, not again, I’m sick & tired of giving up or failing, I WILL NOT!
Drudgery of this calling, observing
Stop watching, DO something!
Saturated by this world, sickening, filthy, corrupt, tar-like saturation, soaking to the bone. Gasoline! I need it to clean off this tar like filth, sticky nasty, but the spark, the heat, the anger, the gas would ignite, the only source of cleansing will destroy if brought too close to the heat, the anger, the anger is a constant flame, it only need fuel to burst to destroy, to cause so much damage to everything around, WHY WON’T THIS FUCKING TAR BURN THEN!!!!! But no, the taint of it remains, endlessly, it needs a fire hotter then I have to offer without destroying myself in the process. How long must it last, I can live in the world but not of the world, but I can’t stop the taint from seeping through, too many holes, like trying to use a chain-link fence to stop a flood.
The tar, the taint, the sick seeping ooze of this disgusting society, *fists clenched* what can I do, what should I do, lost, screaming for people to look at this filth, screaming in their face, followed by a white suit & a room with pillows nailed to the wall, the mirror, I feel their eyes, staring at me, thinking I’M crazy WTF, can’t they see it, WHY, how did they become so blind, WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATER WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!
Retract
What happened, how did this turn out like this, I thought I was in control…HA
That’s what I get
Love, why, why does love always do this?
Why do I love so freely, I love everyone, I make sure I don’t hold hate in my heart for anyone, even those that have hurt me, burned friendships, betrayals, ignorance, I love still, but yet the ones I give the most to, the ones I let get close to me, thy never are what I thought, I must be naïve, why? It’s forever “why?”, why this, why that, why is the world like this!
Retract
Naïve, yes, that must be it… You freaking failure! Like you have room to talk, I made you. You wish. I did & you know it! You said yourself that I was your creative side, that means I wrote myself into you. Whatever, just keep you mouth shut, go be creative or something then. Don’t you get it, I am, right here, right now, look at all you have written, you think you did that yourself? Yes, I did, I wanted to just type out my stress, so I did. You will never learn will you, you know that I’m writing this to be creative, if it wasn’t so then you wouldn’t be arguing it out in text. …fine, whatever, but keep quiet and just work through me then and do your thing & stop arguing with me or I will turn off the music, I know you can’t work without you muse. You wouldn’t…no, you wouldn’t, you like it to much, but very well, you may go back to writing. Thank you
Retract
Where was I, ah yes, naïve, but what more is there to say of it but that I am naïve, why do I love so easily, why can’t I just maintain a love of all and not fall in love so quickly, 2 girlfriend in my life, both of which I married a little over a year after I meet them, there must be something wrong with that, I mean one fell apart already and the other is well on it’s way, why do I love so easily, why can’t I be more reserved with love, how do I be more reserved and still give freely to all.
Relationships
Politics
Human greed
Doctors
Hospitals
Economy
No jobs
Education
Religion
Religion is what I stand on, it’s my floor, keeps me from falling through an endless darkness, but if religion is my floor, and an un-giving one, the others more then make up four walls and a roof, all of which are closing in rapidly and those are just the ones I can think of in the over-packed, weathered, rusted, and damp tool shed that is my head. Hay, it’s not that bad up here, after all, I have enough room to move around pretty freely. That’s one of the problems, you take up valuable room and create over thinking that adds to the rest of the clutter. It’s not all bad, you have said yourself you enjoy my company. Yes, but that’s cause I know I can trust you, I don’t have to worry about you getting close to me, after all, you can’t go anywhere, you’re stuck with me no matter if I like it or not, so I figure I might as well like it rather then let it make me more stressed, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have your drawbacks. Well, being stuck up here isn’t all its cracked up to be, how would you feel if you knew you were just a set of thoughts? How do I know I’m not, how do I know I’m not just an imagination in your head and you’re the real person, anyway, it’s not as if you don’t control me as much as I control you. True, after all, I am making you write this out…hmmm, maybe I should live a little more in control of you. Go ahead, I’ll welcome the break, you take over all this freaking stress for a time, I’ll live in you nice spacious corner of mind and have room to move around freely for awhile, all yours.
Hmm….
